Truth and Lies
by Iship2manyshows
Summary: Kate Beckett and Javier Esposito are friends, just friends right? Or is it something else?
1. Chapter 1

Truth and Lies

By Maureen Legara

Edited by: Laura Jaques

Authors note: The story idea is all MINE. However the characters are from Andrew Marlowe's hit television crime/drama series "Castle". I do not own Castle, I own this story.

Sincerely Maureen

Chapter 1

I grabbed all of his clothes in a rage, searching for something to prove that he was cheating on me. We'd been married for almost eight years now, but our relationship had slowly fallen apart. At first, it was like a dream; we had a little girl called April and a son named Finn. Well….Until our daughter died.

I blame myself for it, as does my husband; and the truth is it was my fault. I was the one drove who the car; I was the one who was drunk, and yet I still drove with my daughter in the back seat. I remember that night; I was so drunk I couldn't see straight, yet I still drove. I had a couple of drinks with Lanie, then I picked up April from a friend's place. She asked me if I had been drinking, I said only a glass and I was completely capable of driving. If only I told the truth, she would be alive; if only I never lied about it.

"What are you doing, Kate?" I quickly turned around, it was my husband Richard "Rick" Castle; he was leaning against the door that separated our bedroom from the walk - in wardrobe.

"I…I… was just," I searched around the room; I needed a prop to use in my lie. Then I spotted my car keys next to our wedding photo. "I was looking for my car keys," I quickly snatched them from the table top; looking at the photo right next to it made me think of that day.

The day I married my partner, my soul mate and my best friend. I was wearing my mom's wedding dress which was handed down to me on my 18th birthday; if only my mom was there to see me wearing it. It was an elegant white dress, full of vibrantly – coloured designs from top to bottom; the sleeves ran from my shoulders to my elbow. It was a 70's wedding dress, but I couldn't have cared less because it was my mom's, and it was beautiful. My dad walked me down aisle, and my eldest daughter, Estelle, was my maid of honour. My best friend Lanie, and Rick's daughter Alexis, were the bridesmaids. It was the best day of my life, but now the worst was coming.

"You were looking for your keys?"

"That obvious, huh?"

"What were you actually looking for?"

"I'm not even sure," I explained with a shaky laugh, "Rick, I need to ask you something."

"I think I know what it is Kate…..You think I'm having an affair, don't you?"

He read my mind; I was going to ask him that. I asked over a year ago, but he didn't give me an answer. I knew that he was having an affair; every weekend and Friday he would be gone, somewhere else. I asked him where he went, he said it was something I don't need to know. The way he said it gave me a sign that it was an affair. Every bone in my body was telling me he was sleeping with another woman. I don't know who it is, but I did know why.

Simple; we just haven't connected since April's death, which was 4 years ago. The fact is, he wasn't the only unfaithful one in this marriage; I was as well. I was in an affair that lasted over a year; he knew I was married, and so was he, but we both had big plans to leave our spouses. But I ended the affair two days ago, as I realized that I was still in love with my husband.

"No, that's not what I was going to ask you…"

"Really? That's a surprise."

"Look… its Finn's birthday in one month and I was thinking maybe we should throw him a party…"

"Kate, I already told you; I'm taking him to Italy for his birthday, just the two of us."

"I know, but it would be good if we threw a party for him…" I said. That's when I started to feel lightheaded and dizzy.

"Ugh. I don't feel so good," I muttered, before I ran to the bathroom. When there, I bent down towards the toilet and vomited. I finally stopped; Castle was standing next to me.

"You okay?"

"Yeah…" I said while wiping my face.

"What did you eat?"

"Um... I can't remember…" I said groggily, before I put my face back to the toilet and vomited once more.

"Do you want some water?" He asked. Castle was acting different today; it was like he changed. For the past four years none of our conversations lasted for more than ten minutes.

"Kate, I need to tell you something important."

"If you want a divorce just hand me the papers and leave!" I was sick, I was tired, and all I was thinking right now is that my husband needs to tell me something important. He probably wanted to tell me that he wants a divorce. Or that he was cheating on me, and he wants to work things out. I wanted to tell him that I was having an affair with one of his best friends, Esposito.

Jon Esposito was one of my partners when I was an NYPD detective; Capt. Victoria Gates made me leave the team, due to the careless mistake I made. When I lost my daughter, I lost everything; my family, my husband, my job and even my dad. I stopped working and I've been living off Castle's riches; he never even asked me to get job. When April died, Finn was 3, and the moment he turned five Castle sent him to boarding school. It was that bad; I couldn't raise my son properly, and I was constantly crying. Castle and I had always been fighting about the smallest of things.

"What did you want to tell me?" I asked.

"Kate, I know you're thinking that I've been having an affair for the past two years. But the truth is, I've been seeing a therapist due to our situation. I didn't want to tell you because…"

Holy shit! He wasn't having an affair… I'm the one who is making this marriage fall apart, while my husband was trying to make things better. He has been faithful for the past four years. I haven't; I was sleeping with his best friend, who was also my best friend, Lanie's husband. Rick wants to make this marriage work, and what was I doing? I was sleeping with someone else, whilst Rick continued loving me. He treasured our marriage; he didn't want our son to grow up with divorced parents, just like Alexis had to. He was trying to make things better. But if we planned to make things better, I wouldn't tell him about the affair. I'm not going to tell him, we're going to work everything out.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

2 Weeks Later….

It had been two weeks since Castle told me that he was seeing a therapist to make himself a better husband. We went out to dinner with Lanie, Esposito, Jenny and Ryan. It was the old gang reuniting; But I didn't make eye contact with Esposito at all. I went to my doctor a week ago, to check if I was okay. He ran some test and told me that he will just give me a call; I've been vomiting a lot for the past two weeks, and I just think it was something I ate.

"Do you remember that case we had when the murderer was dressing up as a super hero?" Ryan asked, we all giggled and laughed. Castle kissed me, and I kissed him back. That's when my phone rang; I answered it, and it was my doctor on the other end of the line.

"Hello?" I said.

"Kate, its Doctor Brown."

"Hey, Doctor Brown… so, what's wrong with me?"

"Kate when was the last time you had your period?"

"Um… it's been weeks since, why?"

"Well Kate, you're pregnant. Congratulations!"

"I'm pregnant?" I said out loud. "How many weeks?"

"You're at least 3 weeks." I the said my goodbyes to the doctor before hanging up.

I was 3 weeks pregnant? It was Esposito's baby for sure, not Castle's; I didn't know what to do. In the background, I heard Castle say, "I'm having another kid!"

He kissed me once more, I didn't say a word. I excused myself to go outside, Castle held my hand, and I let go. I was pregnant with Esposito's baby. The worst part is that the fact that Lanie can't have a baby, her body just isn't capable of it. The best thing to do is tell Castle that I'm two weeks pregnant, not three. I'm going to keep this baby with Castle. We are going to raise him or her together. I stood outside and took a sip of water. This news was big for me, and when I saw Castle face lighting up, I just didn't know what to do. He was so happy; I remember when I told him that I was pregnant with Finn, and he was speechless. He went out and came back half an hour later, holding a teddy bear. He said that it was for the baby.

"Kate we need to talk." I heard Esposito's voice, I looked at him. Less than three weeks ago, we had an affair, we were in love. We had plans to run away together.

A year ago, Esposito invited me over for dinner. Castle didn't come and Lanie was visiting her parents, so we talked about the time when we would solve crimes together. Esposito was the new Captain now, and Lanie was the head medical examiner. He told me that Lanie wasn't able to have kids, but he wanted a child. I suggested adopting, IVF, etc. But he told me that their marriage was also falling apart, as was mine. One thing lead to another, and for the next few months, we went out every Friday or weekend to spend time together. Neither Lanie nor Castle seemed to care.

"What do you want?" I asked him. This is the first time we had talked in three weeks. I knew he was going to talk about the pregnancy.

"Kate what happened to you? We had big plans, we were in love! Then out of the blue you ended it just because you're still in love with your husband!"

"You're my best friend's, husband. I just can't do this to her," I said.

"Is this what you want to do? Just forget about everything that has happened? You're pregnant with my kid. You and I both know that is my child, not Rick's; you and I have made love a lot. But what about you and him? Once since Christmas, maybe when April died!"

"Just shut the hell up, Javier! I want you to understand that I'm going to work things out with Castle, I made vows with him. And I'm going to keep to them, as should you. Lanie needs you."

"I need you Kate, I love you. Lanie's not even capable of giving me a child Kate, but you are, you're having my first child. She can't give me what I want!"

"Javier, please stop… I don't want to do this. Just leave me alone. Leave me and Rick alone. Understand?"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I went back to table and sat down. Ryan and Jenny congratulated me, Castle gave me a kiss and hug, while saying. "This time we can do it right, I promise you Kate."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For trying our marriage again, for forgiving me."

"It wasn't your fault Kate, and I'm sorry for making you think it was. I love you."

"I love you too, and this time we can make it right."

We both sat ourselves, we were talking and laughing. Then Ryan suggested we should go back to his place and bake, have a little party or something. Lanie and Esposito were both quiet, and neither of them said a word since I announced that I was pregnant. I talked to Lanie and asked her if she was okay.

"Lanie you okay?"

"Yea…" She replied, she sounded like something bad had just happened. Esposito never told her what happened; he wouldn't dare, due to the fact that if Lanie found out that he was having an affair, she would file for divorce; she would take everything, even the house that they have shared for more than six years.

"Kate, I think Javier is having an affair…" Lanie said, somewhat suggestively.

"Why would you think that? He loves you and he would never." I explained to her. I made it seem as if I wanted to make sure that Esposito wasn't having an affair, for her sake, even though he was.

But if she found out that her husband had an affair with her best friend, he would blow, she would kill me, plus Castle would get wind of the fact I was cheating on him. I hated that feeling, I had an affair because my marriage was falling apart, as well as the fact that I thought my husband was also having an affair, and I wanted to get even with him. But then comprehension dawned, and I realized he was seeing a therapist, not another woman.

It wasn't fair, and I was being selfish; I wanted to be even with my husband. I loved him, he loved me. If Castle found out that I had an affair, he would definitely file for divorce, he would take everything; our son, the house we shared, pretty much everything. I didn't have a job, so where would I live? If only I never slept with Esposito, everything would be fine.

"Kate for the past year, every Friday or weekend, he would leave, he would be somewhere else. I asked him where he was going. He just told me that he was working on something big. He told me that it was something I didn't need to know about."

"Maybe he's working on something for the precinct. And he probably didn't want you to worry about it or get involved. Lanie, he loves you. He would never sleep with someone else, other than you."

The biggest lie I've told my best friend all because I wanted to cover my ass, I never ever want Lanie to know what happened between me and her husband.

We took a taxi to Ryan's house; Castle and Ryan were talking the whole time, while Lanie, Jenny and I were discussing baby names. Esposito was quiet for the whole ride; he didn't bother to start a conversation with anyone.

/

"Taxi, stop here please! I'm sorry, everyone I just can't do this anymore!" Lanie suddenly yelled. I don't know what had gotten into her. As soon as the taxi stopped, Lanie jumped out stormed off. Esposito didn't follow her, no one did.

The taxi continued driving.

"What's wrong with Lanie? Javier, why didn't you follow her?" Ryan asked. He made a good point; why hadn't her husband followed her?

"Lanie is just being dramatic, as always," Esposito explained. "Kate, you we're the last one to talk to her, what did you say?"

"I told her nothing, she just asked me something…"

"What…?"

"Nothing important! Taxi, could please turn around where you dropped of my friend?" The taxi turned around and we searched for Lanie. I wanted to know what was wrong.

"There she is. Stop!" Castle yelled. Ryan payed the driver and we all got out of the taxi.

"Lanie, wait! What's wrong?" I yelled. She turned around, she was crying. I've never seen her so sad. "Lanie, stop. We need to know what's wrong."

"You want to know what's wrong, Kate? Simple; you slept with my husband!"

"What is she talking about?" Castle asked. Oh, God, she must have figured out; she must have overheard or something.

"Rick, your wife and my husband have been banging each other! And you want to know the worst part? That baby isn't yours, it's his!" She yelled again, pointing to my stomach and then to Javier. I wanted to shut her up; I wanted to scream that it was all lies. But I couldn't because it was all the truth.

"Lanie, just shut up. You're lying. Kate and I haven't slept together. We would never do that," Esposito seethed.

"I'm lying? Then what exactly where you talking about at the Café that day? Don't lie; I overheard your plans!"

Dear God. She heard everything Esposito said to me, that's why she was asking me those strange questions earlier. She overheard our conversation.

"Kate, is this true?" Castle asked me disappointedly. I couldn't believe this; I never wanted anything this bad to happen. I never wanted Lanie or Castle to find out.

Esposito looked me, and he was worried; I could see it in his eyes. He wanted me to back him up, but I didn't know what to say.

"Kate! Kate!" Castle angrily said my name.

I was speechless for a while. But then I finally found the words to say.

"Lanie… I'm so sorry, I really am. Castle, I'm sorry, but it's true. I had an affair with Javier. Rick I'm so sorry. " The words just poured out, I was unable to control it. I didn't know why, and it was probably not the best thing to do.

Lanie walked towards me and SLAPPED my face. "That was for sleeping with my husband, you whore!" I could feel my face burning from the pressure of her hand connecting with my face. I looked up to see where everyone was; they all looked at me, especially Rick.

Eight years ago I made my vows to him "I, Katherine Beckett, take you, Richard Alexander Rogers, to be my wedded husband; to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, or the Lord comes for His own, and hereto I pledge you my faithfulness." I said these vows; I pledged my faithfulness to him. Yet I lied to him and to myself.

Jenny gave me a hug, I started crying.

"I don't ever want to see you again, Kate." Lanie ordered, "As for you, Javier, I'll pack all of your things and leave them outside the apartment." She hailed a taxi. In less than a minute I lost my best friend and my husband's trust.

Rick didn't say anything, I looked at him. I could see a tear drop in his eye; I've never seen him cry before. He didn't even cry when April passed away, he never did.

"Rick… say something please." I said, I was expecting the worst out of him, I was expecting him to yell at me or something.

"Kate, don't come home; I don't want to see you. Ever again. I'll mail you the divorce papers at our house in Manhattan, and you can stay there. I'll pack all of your things and get it delivered to your house. You can keep that house by the way. You can live with Esposito so you can have your little fantasy with him. But all of this for one condition; I have full custody of Finn, and you can only see him on his birthday, Christmas and some weekends."

He wanted our son, but he gave me a house to live in.

"Oh and Kate, I'll give you half million in order for you to pay for the bills, if you don't want to work. That's all I'm offering Kate. I don't want you to ask me for forgiveness. Because I will never give that to you!" Castle then hailed a Taxi, and left; it was finally over between us. I never wanted to end things this way, I never did.

Jenny and Ryan went their own ways, but Esposito stayed with me. He put his arm around me. I was bawling my eyes out, while Esposito was hugging him. I couldn't believe what had just happened; I lost my best friend, my husband, my partner, the love of my life. I lost everything.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

6 and half months later….

Months have passed since I've seen Rick, but the months seemed like years. I missed him so much, even as my stomach kept growing and growing. I felt like a whale, I looked like a whale, I couldn't even see my feet anymore. The pregnancy with Javier's baby wasn't helping at all, though I decided to keep the baby. I didn't know why, but it seemed right. When I found out I was pregnant, I thought this would be my chance. My chance to work things out with Rick. I loved him so much, I really did. I wasn't sure if he felt the same way anymore.

I called him two days ago and the day before that, but I was getting no answer. I tried calling Martha and she told me she had no idea either. No one knew where he was, except Alexis. Ever since she found out what had happened, our friendship fell apart. I stopped by once to pick up a couple of my things at the house, she gave me a look. A look I've never seen from her; she had turned against me. But of course she would; she was Rick's daughter, not mine, though I loved her as my own. Estelle and I haven't spoken for weeks, she was angry and she couldn't believe I did what I did.

I was angry at myself, too; I cheated on the best man in the world. He once told me why both of his first marriages ended, and it was because both women betrayed him. Especially Gina; he wanted Gina to be the last one, the one he was going to be sitting next to when he was seventy and in a rocking chair. He told me that she cheated on him. I promised him I would never hurt him, ever, but I couldn't keep that promise.

I was at home doing nothing, I went to the doctor's a couple of weeks ago to find out the gender of the baby, and she told me that it was going to be a girl. I hired an interior designer to decorate my little girl's room. She finished it in less than a week.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" I called out.

"It's me Rick." For a moment, it was as if my heart jumped into my throat. It was Rick; he came by…..to do what? I honestly didn't know. I quickly made myself look even semi-presentable. I then ran to the door and opened it.

"What…. are you doing here?" I breathed.

He was holding an envelope on his hands, I knew what they were; they were divorce papers. He wanted to file for divorce. I solemnly invited him inside and told him to make himself at home.

"Kate, we need to talk," he said; for more than six months we haven't talked. Now he just randomly shows up on door step and tells me that "we need to talk".

About what? Rick…"

"You know what I'm talking about. I want…"

"A divorce?" I continued his sentence for him.

"Yes, I do; after what happened, I've decided its better off if we go on our own ways."

"Rick, please, we're a team."

"We were."

"Do you know what people do when they're in love?" I asked him, looking into his eyes, trying to find a single trace of evidence to prove he was still in love with me.

"Don't, Kate, please."

"The mistake I made; I wanted you to try and forget what I did. I thought we could work things out. You know why people who love each other stay together? They stay together not because they forget, but because they forgive. I want you to forgive me Rick; please, give me a chance." I begged him. I never liked begging, but this is something I really wanted. I want Rick; I want him back in my life.

"Forget it, Kate." He said, handing me the papers, "I need them signed by Thursday."

"Rick, please, don't go," I yelled while crying, "I want to go home. I want to be with you, I don't want a divorce, Rick, please. Have I ever told you I love you?"

He turned around and looked at my pathetic face; I was crying so much. "Yes, you have. I bet you told Javier that as well…"

There was a moment of silence between us, but we both knew he was right; I have told Javier that I love him. I looked at him. "Did you find someone else? Who is she? Is she better than me?" I questioned. I had nothing else to say. I wasn't sure, I didn't know anything anymore, and had been left in the dark for the past six months, just trying to figure out how I was going to fix my marriage. A marriage that I ruined.

"No I haven't," he replied. "Kate, listen," He grabbed my hand, gently touching the engagement ring he gave me. "I know you want to get back together, but after what happened… I just can't."

"Whatever happened to Castle?" I questioned; it had been years since I called him the, the way I used to call him, before we dated, before we got married. The time when we worked together as partners, even though I was the one carrying the gun, and he was there, always by my side.

"Simple, you slept with your best friend's husband, while I was seeing a therapist to work out our marriage, for crying out loud!" He yelled angrily. I was surprised by the sudden outburst; but not as surprised as I was when he grabbed a vase from a nearby table and threw it on it floor. I jumped in shock as the glass shattered near my feet; knowing all too well that when Rick is angry, he throws things.

"I loved you so much Kate, I wanted to work things out. You repaid me by sleeping with Javier, Kate!" He continued, I saw a tear in his eye, and I gently grabbed his face and wiped the tears away before hugging him.

I took my engagement ring off, and handed it to him. "It's official, then, we're getting a divorce, Rick."

A tear slowly fell from my eyes; he grabbed the ring and slowly walked towards the front door. It was over; we we're over. "Rick…" I mumbled, "I love you." He didn't turn around, look at me, or anything; I wasn't sure how he felt. He finally left, and I grabbed the divorce papers from the coffee table. I opened the envelope and flicked through the pages, till I finally found where I had to sign it. Today was Tuesday, and he needed them to be in by Thursday. I took hold of a pen, and thought about what would happen. How life would be different without him.

I just had to it get over and done with, I slowly signed my name, however a knock on the door stopped me.

"Who is it?" I asked.

"It's Esposito, could we talk?"

"The door is open…" I replied, I didn't know what he wanted but I was clear on the fact, I didn't want to get back together.

"Kate, do you want to grab coffee or something?" He asked, coffee was something I needed right now, so I nodded my head and grabbed my coat.

/

We sat in his car, Esposito suggested we just find a random café; I simply sat there, trying to make conversation.

"Rick came over today, he gave me the divorce papers," I explained to him, "I said that I'd sign it for him."

"So…..it's official that you two are splitting up?" He asked in a somewhat hopeful manner. I just hated the way he said "it's official". God! I wish it wasn't official, I wish nothing had happened between Esposito and I!

"Yeah, it is; what about you and Lanie?"

"That's what I was going to talk to you about…."

"Yeah…?"

"You and I should just run away together, raise our baby and live life. Freely."

The offer surprised me; yet, at the same time, it was an offer that I knew was coming for a while now. I had to think about it for a moment before responding.

"I…don't want to Javier, okay? I just can't…."

"Kate listen, just hear me out; we run away together, you and I can start fresh."

"There is no us," I clarified, making sure he didn't forget the fact I don't want to be with him, "I'm giving the baby up for adoption."

"Kate, don't do that, please…..This is my only child, Kate. I want a child, and Lanie couldn't offer me that."

"You're such a jerk; Lanie is amazing, even though she couldn't provide you with a child…She loves you."

"Kate…"

"Just don't, okay? Stop the car here." I demanded.

I could the feel the engine revving faster and faster; what was he doing? He was going way above the limit, taking random U-turns like nobody's business.

"Stop the car now! Or I will…." I trailed off, at a loss for words.

"Or what, Kate?" The car was going faster each second.

"Javier, please stop this car! You're going to get us killed!"

"That's the whole point…." Before I could say another word, I saw the front of the car smashing against a tree; shards of glass fell against my face, and I felt the heat of the air bag colliding with my body. Slowly slipping into darkness, I turned my head to see if Javier was okay. I could see blood everywhere. I could feel blood running across my thigh, and thought of my baby. I was going to lose my baby. How could he do this? I could hear mumbling, but before I could turn around to see who it was, I fell into unconsciousness.


	5. Chapter 5

I woke up groggily. I was in a room painted white. A bright light shone down upon me. I could see two doctors talking, and it seemed I was on a surgery table. I was going through surgery or…. something. "What's going on?" I asked; I couldn't see things clear, everything was blurry.

"You're having an emergency C3, Mrs Castle, your husband has made the decision for you to be alive and your baby… dead."

Rick made the discussion for me to live instead of the baby, but I didn't want that. I just couldn't let that happen. I saw Rick's figure walking back and forth outside the surgery room.

"I want the baby alive, don't listen to my husband!" I pleaded.

"Mrs Castle, if you have this baby, you'll die," A doctor explained.

I didn't care if I died; the only thing that mattered was that my baby was okay. I saw a doctor going outside, talking to Rick, who then came in the room. He ran to me and held my hand.

"Kate, I'm glad you're okay."

"Rick, let me have the baby, I don't care if I die, and at least she's okay."

"Kate, don't do this. Please, I love you Kate."

"Let me have the baby, Rick, at least I know that Finn and this baby will be okay."

"Kate, no, I can't let you do that…"

"We need you to make a decision, Mr Castle, your wife or the baby." A doctor demanded.

"The baby," He said. I smiled, he kissed me, I knew I was going to die.

"I love you, Kate," he said once more, and while kissing me again.

"I love you too, Rick, and I'm sorry."

The doctors we're doing the C section on me while I was awake, and I saw a glimpse of my baby, she wasn't moving. I wanted to hear her cry, but I didn't hear anything at all. Before I passed out once more, I could hear a doctor telling Rick that she didn't make it. They we're too late.

/

1 week later….

I could finally go home from the hospital, it felt strange that my body wasn't bloated anymore. She died; I was still alive. Rick had been there for me the whole time. While I was recovering from surgery, he was there. He listened to me, when I told him I wanted the baby. He told me he loved me, and I loved him too.

I wasn't sure what was coming up for us both, and I'm hoping that it was going to be good. I was moving back with him again, I was going to see my son again. We were going to be a family once more…


End file.
